I hate it when people ask me how my mom is. As a kid she was VERY verbally abusive to me and she is also an alcoholic. She has been physically abusive to me on occasions as well. I am now an adult and I don’t have very much to do with her, but members of my (deceased) father’s family will often ask me how she is doing and one of my college friends just asked me for he address so she could mail my mother a Christmas card. Most of these people are people who know at the very least that my mother and I do not get along. She is good at hiding her alcoholism and when I would try to talk to people about the things she would say to me as a kid people would just say, “Oh, she is your mom, she loves you,” or, “you know when you grow up you will be best friends.” I think people have a lot of trouble believing that a mother could be this way, especially people who are close to their own mothers. And so when they ask me how she is doing I usually just say I don’t know I don’t see her that much, but people either look at me like they feel sorry for HER, or they look at me like I am stupid for not knowing how my own mother is. So my question is how SHOULD I handle things like this? I am the oldest in my family so this sort of question falls on me a lot, but now that I am an adult I just try not to think about her and what my Dad’s death turned her into. I just like to live my life and be happy so I wish people would just ask me about me and my husband when they talk to me. I don’t care how she is. Probably drunk and angry, that is how she is.

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