Confidential Drug Rehabilitation

Question by 22butterfly22: Boyfriend of 4 years throwing me through a roller coster, please help!?
So here is the scenario:

10 months ago my boyfriend (24 years old) and I (24 years old) broke up because he cheated on me and he decided to stay with that girl. We reconnected 4 months later and have been together ever since.

Things were great in the first few months, he was changing the way he used to be (he used to flake on me, accuse me of cheating and be verbally abusive). I haven’t been happier with him or loved him more. This month is the sixth month of being together and all of sudden things are starting to change.

Last weekend he flaked on me to go to his friends, left me at his house until 1 in the morning. Of course he had a huge apology and a excuse. I forgave him because he promised he wasn’t gonna be that person anymore, he said he just slipped. Okay fine. But this weekend it all changed again.

Friday he freaked out because I didn’t want to take him to narcotics anonymous meeting (he is a recovering drug and alcohol user). The plan was to just go to the movies with his friends, but all of a sudden he wants to go to a meeting. I fully support his recovery and always have, but I just wasn’t in the mood. The issue is that he has no car and no license so I have to take him everywhere.

Anyways, once I said I was set on not going he flipped out. He told me how I never want to hang out with his friends (totally untrue) and that it’s really hard to be with me (I give him rides everywhere, have helped him out more than anyone ever has and love him so much). I was shocked that he would react like this over not getting his way. And then it got worse he told me he wants to break up. Hours later though it turned out to just be a threat, but my trust and respect for him totally disappeared. I forgave him later the next day.

During the next day we kept distance from each other, but he said we would hang out and do whatever I wanted. Well that never happened because he went with his friends and didn’t call me till 9:15pm. Then he was inviting me over to his friends house where I thought the plan was just gonna be me and him. That turned into a huge fight because he flips out within seconds over nothing.

So I come over to his house and he gets into my car. The minute he sits down he says, “why does you car smell different, what is that weird smell??” And he sits there and sniffs around like a dog for like a minute. He was implying that I may have had a guy in my car even though he didn’t say it. I was mortified and just sickened. I have never ever cheated on him and for him to even have the audacity to do that was horrible.

I couldn’t speak to him the whole night, I didn’t even want him touching me. He tried to apologize and told me the reason he did that was because since he was being such a bad boyfriend lately, he thought maybe I would go find another guy. I can’t stand it.

All I keep thinking is I need to break up with him, but we have broken up so many times and each time I have come back. I mean I even came back when he cheated, so what’s the point in ending it. I just can’t seem to leave. Please help me, I really have no one to talk to about this right now.

Thank you so much for even reading.

Best answer:

Answer by Brooke
I know it’s hard not being able to talk to someone, especially your boyfriend when he’s supposed to be your best friend. It seems like he is just turning the situation around and trying to make you feel bad for the wrong things he is doing, which guys tend to do. Maybe when a fight happens, and he decides to “leave” you just need to stop trying to contact him, and let him come back to you. Let him be scared of losing something great he has. I know it may be hard to do, because you obviously care for him a lot if you’re doing all these things for him. He just needs to mature.

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Providing indigent defense; Taxpayers paid million in last 3 years
Shar Porier/Wick Communications In Arizona, counties have the burden of funding all indigent defense cases in accordance with the Sixth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, and the county has spent nearly million on indigent defense over the past three years.
Read more on San Pedro Valley News-Sun

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by Rob!

Question by Bathsheba E: How do you celebrate 20 years in Narcotics Anonymous?
My boyfriend will soon be celebrating 20 years clean and sober. He only goes to meetings once or twice a year these days, and seems reluctant to “make a fuss” and pick up a chip, especially in a new place with a new group. (We just moved to a new area.)

I am VERY proud of him, and we both know this is a big deal. How can I encourage him? I need ideas about what others who have long-term sobriety have done regarding celebrations, chips, etc. (We’ve been dating for less than a year, so I’m clueless.)

I also need to know how to talk to him about this, and whether / how I could participate. I don’t want to push… he needs to do this on his own. But I don’t want him to “aw, shucks” over it, either. He’s a very sweet, humble fellow, and I want him to know that others can benefit from hearing about his experience.

I also want to know what I can give him to show him how proud I am of him.

Thanks in advance for you answers, and best wishes to others in recovery!

Best answer:

Answer by Rebecca A
20 yrs. – That is so awesome!
This is something that can be looked at from alot of different viewpoints. If he doesn’t want to share this with alot of people you have to respect that. After all- he deserves his privacy based on his accomplishment.
I would say something simple for your man…like a wonderful dinner and possibly you could use what I am going to do…
my husband is 1 month away from 1 yr. of sobriety and I’m making a video tape with clips of pictures- our son playing, him working on a project, our little rented house, our dog, etc. and at the end of 5 min. I will be on the camera looking directly into it and telling him how much I value being a part of his life and what an inspiration he is to me.
I’m going to put a little bow on the tape and a sticky note that says “watch me”… I’m going to let him do this in private so he can reflect on the meaning of my words. He is a man with those same traits and I value him like he will never know.
I wish you both well and I pray both your lives will be enhanced by this achievement of strength and honesty!

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My husband has had 7 jobs within the past year or so. He is currently unemployed and seeking employment (shall I say he goes job hunting for about 2 hours every week.) He is a recovering drug addict and has little motivation to do much else. He disappears without explanation, usually for a couple of days. He is very self involved. He doesn’t much care about anyone else’s feelings and makes it known.

I support the family by my full-time job and his mother watches our daughter during the day because I cannot trust him.

He has stolen from me. He has stolen and/or pawned my jewelry, cameras, car, cell phones, appliances and money. He apologizes but is less than heartfelt.

He has gone to rehab many times but to no success. I live in lock down. I keep my valuables in a safe.
I am obviously unhappy and a and am just exhausted of this lifestyle. I never know what to expect and I just don’t like that feeling. I moved out of our apartment and moved in with my parents. My lease is up after this month and I am not signing a new lease with him. I cannot afford it. I want a divorce and I also want full custody of our daughter. I don’t know how likely a judge will grant me full custody but I think I have a good shot.

My husband does not have a job. He does not have health insurance. He does not have a car. He takes off without being accountable for his actions and still does drugs.(I haven’t tested him for drugs but his behavior is an indication.)

I didn’t want things to be this way and I wish he was responsible but I guess my question is how likely is it that I get full custody? I want my child to be safe and the environment that he is creating is disruptive.

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I finally did it. My husband used up all our money; had a terrible substance abuse problem – went to rehab – came back and began again after 1.5 months. He has not helped with bills – basically he made more bills for us.

When I went to the lawyer today, she said she would file the papers on friday and have him served next week.

I just feel scared about being out on my own with my 3 kids. Did or does anyone else have or had the same feeling?
I know we are better off without him and his abuse.

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Friday 4.9.2007 he started going through withdrawls. I can’t stand to see him like that. He has to go through this to get off of the pills. It didn’t take him long to break and get more. His addiction has gotten so bad that I have to go and get his check on Friday’s. I don’t mind and I do see this as a change for the better. How can’t I cope with this without throwing up my hands. I know it is an addiction and he has to handle this himself but, please realise I didn’t ask to be put in the middle of it all either. I do love him and I am trying to help but, I also have a family besides him to care for. (2 girls) When I try my hardest seems that is when he is his worst. any tips? anyone?
4.13.2007 he is to have surgery (fusion in his neck) He told me that he is goibg to cut back sloely because he is tired of depending on them and he hates that he let this happen. though it is alot of hot air because he has lied so much I never know what is truth and what is a lie. He gave me his pills so I could give him 4 a day as perscribed not 7 to 10 like he takes. Yesterday morning I gave him his 4 for the day (because he asked) and I said “don’t ask for more tonight. Well he called me at work yesterday afternoon and told me to bring him 8 more and I told him no and he started yelling at me and said either bring me 8 or the whole bottle. After thinking I took the whole bottle and threw it at him and told him “I am through with this and am over the whole situation. I know he needs my help but truely what has he done for me? If his pay check hits his hands on Friday it is gone before he gets home.

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I married at 17 and have been with my husband for 36 years. We have four kids and three granddaughters. My husband has been an alcoholic our whole marriage.
I’m so tired of it and fear I’ll spend the rest of my life never having a normal relationship, not knowing how it is to not be verbally abused and criticized for everything.
I’m the bread winner…my husband is not able to work due to his problem. He refuses to get help even though my employer offers a rehab program.
I left one time about 6 years ago and he drank so much whiskey, (he’s a beer drinker) he about killed himself…he was sick for weeks. How can I have him poisoning himself and live with it
I just want a quiet, peaceful life…to come and go as I please without the worry of what he’ll do if I’m not around. He promises to stop then sneaks out while I work and loads up.
Does anyone have a practical solution? My husband is a nice man when he’s not drunk..sadly he’s drunk 50 % of the time. I’m just so sad about this

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I came into this picture when I was 25 and my husband was 37. His children were neglected at their mothers as she had 4 stores which she owned and was a workaholic. When we got together, they all eventually moved in with us and, also, the oldest two had to be put in rehab. I eventually quit my job after four years to stay at home with the youngest because she was sick all the time with sun toxemia. I admit that I have made mistakes along the way, but I have really tried to love them. At first, I was jealous of their relationship with their father, but after a few years I got over this. However, the children still have this hatred towards me that I don’t understand. At Christmas and Birthdays, I go out of my way to make their gifts special. I always tell them I love them and even moved from MO to TX, right down the street from where the eldest three grandchildren live, just to be near them and make my husband happy. Still their hatred lives on. This is my recent turmoil. I let one of the stepdaughters move in. She and my other stepdaughters husband (yes, her sisters husband) started visiting at my house and keeping it a secret. They told mine and my husbands only daughter together (she’s 10) to not tell the wife. I told the “bad” stepdaughter to move out of my house. Now, the one whose husband was screwing around is totally upset with me more than ever. She has always had anger issues, but now she really hates me. She has not allowed me to see the grandchildren for almost a month now. I had it out with her immaturity, even though she is 30 and told her she was using her children as a weapon and it wasn’t fair to them, me or my husband. I was very upset. My husband has stated the same things to me in private, but I did not reveal this to her. This was my deal. However, my husband did not back me up at all. It was so humiliating. This daughter has always treated him badly on a whim and he calls me upset about it at least once a week and I listen. She’s very unhappy with her life and blows hot and cold all the time. But when it comes to confronting her, he cows down. I hate him so much for not backing me up when he feels exactly as I do. When he did this tonight it was just the icing on the cake for me. My stepdaughter told me tonight that respect was earned, and, for the record, I have never done anything disrespectful to her. I have never been drunk, on drugs, or anything along those lines since I have known her. She and her sister have called me crying telling me how lucky that she was to have a normal grandmother for her children and how lucky her sister was going to be when her child was born (she was pregnant) to have a “Donna Reed” grandmother like me. Their biological mother flies off the cuff with very bad anger fits and is a workaholic still. I am so confused and, while I love them, I hate them, also. I am just disgusted with this whole situation after 15 years and my 10 year old wants to leave, also, because of the arguing with my husband. He instigates so much stuff just to screw with peoples heads. It’s like he gets a kick out of it and he does it alot with our daughter. He’s self-employed and when business is not coming in he just takes it out on everyone. I am afraid of being on my own after 15 years and this time with a 10 year old child to raise into a successful adult. I don’t know the first step to leaving and I feel like I need someone to hold my hand. I’m so scared. I’m afraid my daughter’s life will be messed up if I leave. Emotionally, I am fried. I just recently quit my job working 12 hours a day 3 days a week and then 4 days a week. I tried for 5 months after being a homemaker for 15 years and my daughter and mines relationship deteriorated immensely because I was so exhausted all the time, along with mine and my husbands. I don’t know what else to add. I would like to get an education somehow. Please help me with any experience that you have had with this type of situation or any help you know of that I should apply for. I live in Fort Worth, TX.

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Ive been married nearly 27 years and have 2 great kids. The kids are still living with us although they are adults. I see them moving out in a year or so.

Throughout our entire marriage I have been unhappy with the relationship. Communication is poor and I’ve always wanted more interaction between us. I’ve brought this up countless times over the years and have always been told “I’m” happy. Our sex life has always been lacking, and she has admitted, she withheld sex purposely for the first decade of our marriage as a way to control. Although I wanted out of the marriage long ago, I would never leave my kids. Now they’re adults.

My wife has developed an alcohol problem and recently confided that it goes back nearly 10 years. It took me a long time to fully grasp how bad it was. She hid it very good. She was always proud of her petite physique but now she has an alcoholics look, skinny legs and arms, big torso and behind. Not too attractive. The entire family has found hidden bottles and other evidence of her alcoholism. She has lied more times then I can remember about her drinking.

Ive warned her for the last couple of years that I will leave if she can’t get a handle on this. Ive tried to bring her into rehad but she needs to want it herself.

I keep thinking Im abandoning her and the family if I leave. But I just dont think anything will change, and in fact, they will just continue to deteriorate.

Im still on the fence, but wonder if I should be. I would appreciate any guidance, suggestions or helpful words. Am I on the right track here?

Unhappy in marriage.
Ladyren, you hit the nail on the head. I dont believe Ive ever experienced the “four biggies” in my marriage. Also, FYI, I was married before I reached the current drinking age, so Im not over the hill yet. I also compete in a sport at a national level that allows me to build and maintain an amazing physique. However, my wife has never once said I look good. Although this is very difficult for me, I know whatI need to do.

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