Confidential Drug Rehabilitation

23 Years of marriage, 10 years of alcoholism for me with three years of sobriety. We are separated now but talk alot and are intimate when we can be. Many, many mistakes along the way including 2 affairs, but I keep getting called home or to come spend the weekends with her. There is alot of love from me and seems to be alot of love for me in her hidden behind alot of hurt and anger. When we’re together it is very passionate, more so than ever, when we are apart she’s undecided about us and leaves me to believe it’s over but then tells me she loves me. I keep asking her if I am a fill in for sex until someone else come’s along and her answer’s change with her mood. How do I get into her heart and mend it? I’m afraid sooner or later I will hear about someone else and our circle of hurt will just continue.

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Ive been married nearly 27 years and have 2 great kids. The kids are still living with us although they are adults. I see them moving out in a year or so.

Throughout our entire marriage I have been unhappy with the relationship. Communication is poor and I’ve always wanted more interaction between us. I’ve brought this up countless times over the years and have always been told “I’m” happy. Our sex life has always been lacking, and she has admitted, she withheld sex purposely for the first decade of our marriage as a way to control. Although I wanted out of the marriage long ago, I would never leave my kids. Now they’re adults.

My wife has developed an alcohol problem and recently confided that it goes back nearly 10 years. It took me a long time to fully grasp how bad it was. She hid it very good. She was always proud of her petite physique but now she has an alcoholics look, skinny legs and arms, big torso and behind. Not too attractive. The entire family has found hidden bottles and other evidence of her alcoholism. She has lied more times then I can remember about her drinking.

Ive warned her for the last couple of years that I will leave if she can’t get a handle on this. Ive tried to bring her into rehad but she needs to want it herself.

I keep thinking Im abandoning her and the family if I leave. But I just dont think anything will change, and in fact, they will just continue to deteriorate.

Im still on the fence, but wonder if I should be. I would appreciate any guidance, suggestions or helpful words. Am I on the right track here?

Unhappy in marriage.
Ladyren, you hit the nail on the head. I dont believe Ive ever experienced the “four biggies” in my marriage. Also, FYI, I was married before I reached the current drinking age, so Im not over the hill yet. I also compete in a sport at a national level that allows me to build and maintain an amazing physique. However, my wife has never once said I look good. Although this is very difficult for me, I know whatI need to do.

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I was applying for private medical insurance and got the 2000 questions by the insurance company. All of this was on the phone. No written consents. My husband never even talked to them. They pulled up his medical history somehow on the Web and gave me all the details asking if I was aware of why he recieved certain treatments. One treatment involved shingles and he was prescribed Valtrex. This same drug also treats genital herpes. I knew why he was prescribed this medication, but if I had not, and if it was for genital herpes, it would have been quite a shock for me considering this prescription was 5 years after we were married. My question is are they violating HIPAA and do I need to file a complaint? It makes me very uncomfortable to work with this company after this.
My husband actually did not know I was applying for new coverage. I currently cover our family and was getting quotes from other companies. He never signed anything, never talked to anyone, nothing. The thing that bothers me is if this was reversed and my husband was the insurance prividor in our family and he decided to shop around. I have not had an abortion, but what if I had even before we were married or after and had not told him, but they disclosed this to him without my consent. Same thing, but backwards. Makes you think about who has our medical records and what they can do with them and how little control you have over them.

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I was applying for private medical insurance and got the 2000 questions by the insurance company. All of this was on the phone. No written consents. My husband never even talked to them. They pulled up his medical history somehow on the Web and gave me all the details asking if I was aware of why he recieved certain treatments. One treatment involved shingles and he was prescribed Valtrex. This same drug also treats genital herpes. I knew why he was prescribed this medication, but if I had not, and if it was for genital herpes, it would have been quite a shock for me considering this prescription was 5 years after we were married. My question is are they violating HIPAA and do I need to file a complaint? It makes me very uncomfortable to work with this company after this.
My husband actually did not know I was applying for new coverage. I currently cover our family and was getting quotes from other companies. He never signed anything, never talked to anyone, nothing. The thing that bothers me is if this was reversed and my husband was the insurance prividor in our family and he decided to shop around. I have not had an abortion, but what if I had even before we were married or after and had not told him, but they disclosed this to him without my consent. Same thing, but backwards. Makes you think about who has our medical records and what they can do with them and how little control you have over them.

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Here’s the story. I went with my wife’s wishes every step of the way, even though I never got back what I put in. My younger son is handicapped, my older one (18) recently diagnosed with frontal lobe epilepsy. The kids need both of us for now, and i am willing to physically and financially care for them both, but here is where it needs to end…
My wife, eight years ago, having lost a bunch of weight, had an affair behind my back, got hooked on cocaine, had several other drug/alcohol related sexual liaisons with men over the next two years, finally contracting an STD that forced her to tell me her secrets. Alcoholism/drug addiction/mental illness for eight years…hospitalizations like crazy…. last time she went back on the booze in spite of all I was doing for her, I told her that was it, that our marriage, in terms of love, was over. Now she has quit the alcohol 40 days, doing very well, and expects love again. Oh, and she has no desire for sex? A big NO, right?

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I’m a 57 yrs. old woman who’s been married for 36 years now mother of 4 children.
3 girls and a boy. I must say I’m very proud of my son who seems to know how to treat a woman, because his wife is the happiest person you’ll ever meet I ask whats her secret
she says( I Love her for this) ” A WONDERFUL HUSBAND”! These 2 are into each other in a way I’ve never seen before!

My son 18 at time got married to a woman who I thought to old for him 5 1/2 years older, divorced twice, one OPEN, other marriage SWUNG! She admits freely and tell everyone NOT TO EVEN ENTERTAIN the thought because it will come back to haunt you!

12 yrs. later son and his wife are still married and happier then ever, She’s an MD, in physical rehabilitation medicine(3 specialtys) witch also includes Psychiatry.
He’s Has 2 PH.D One in applied physics mathematics, other applied engineering concepts. Both NAVY Reserves, both gone to IRAQ 3 times, SON gone to Afghanistan.
Both supports each others dreams!
Both successful and find one another stimulating to be with!
They talk about world politics, views on global warming, public service, EDUCATION!
Wished I had that!

They have a beautiful home in PACIFICA outside S.F. and volunteer. Daughter inlaw helps out with woman’s shelter, make sure Woman get checked up as well as children and helps them get suitable housing!

My son Volunteers his time helping disabled student at a special needs school!
He’s started classes to get teaching certificate because he’s FALLIN IN LOVE with teaching so much, and wants to teach disabled studance for living!

His wife not only supports him but encourages him to do it!
He MAKE better then 400K a year doing freelance work for corporations, wants to give it all up for a job that pay 40k a year does that make scenes to you?

Their marriage is so strong my daughters all have either separated from their husbands or divorced. Saying they deserve a marriage & husband like their bother!
What I miss?
I’ll admit I’m JEALOUS as HELL and if I was 20 yrs. younger I’d be getting a divorce myself, because son’s A PURFET HUSBAND!
He writes letters once a week & mails them to wife, can you believe that?
Says ” HE GOT BETTER THEN DESERVES, WHAT A GIFT HE GOT IN WIFE”( GOD I want that) she loves it!

He graduated high school at 15 had also an AA degree in general education, would continue his education at Cal POL, then STANFORD!

He’s always takin at least one chef class 15 yrs. and this past NOVEMBER got Certificated as a LIGHT MASTER! So he does all the cooking at his home, He’s also got message therapy Licenses in 6 different styles over yrs. give his wife a message( luck girl) at least once a week!

This past Christmas my son gave his wife a student ID card he enrolled to learn manicures&pedicure,every Saturday took her with him to class! her hands & toes are the best looking ones around now!
I’m thinking I got ROBBED because I never got that from husband, NEVER!
I know I should feel happy for him and her but I’m really feel robed, and want to know why?
Thank you for your help in advance!
An you also answer why my son want to be a teacher and reduce hi income to 1/10 of what he makes now, and why his wife willing to support that with a smile!

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This is a long read, my thanx goes out to whoever takes the time to address this situation. There is much here, so read the entire thing before assuming you know how to help. Once again, any help, would help.
*sigh*

My Dads mother left him when he was 7.
His Father was alcoholic, not around long either…
My Parents have been together since high-school. Growing up, he was into drugs/drinks. Had then two kids, got sober, took prescription drugs. (depression, pain etc.) Several years later & after the kids young adults 21+, hes now facing retirement, & begins sneaking drinks, then loses control, re-laps hits. Can’t quit. Hides empty beer cans every where. Tries to cover it up w/ mouth wash, gum, etc. He doesn’t much care to go out w/ the family. Tends to keep to him-self…Job is also confidential. Family has called it to attention twice, recommend Rehab if not sober by retirement. He agreed It still goes on, hiding it %75 of the time. Now-then, to my question. The Family finds out, all oseparatete accounts. Father is on a dating sight, Has gone out with several different women- one e-mail revealed that he was honest to other women in telling her that he was “a married man, in a love-lesmarriagege…”

How should one feel, what is possiblele step to put the family back on track??

This is correctable, right?

Thanx, Happy Holidays. Love is the only gift you should give this season.

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