Confidential Drug Rehabilitation

I know its long but it would help me alot ive never spoke about this to anyone so i need some confidence on sharing this with my group!

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.”
I sat on the bitter tile floor of the unfamiliar bathroom of my group home, silently weeping with my chin resting on my knees. My tears fell from the bottom of my cheek on to the white of my converse. I sat and waited, I didn’t know what was headed in my direction, but I knew something better was approaching. They say it’s always darkest before the dawn. I couldn’t envision it getting any darker than this, so why haven’t I been blinded by the first hint of sun? This is by far the darkest hole I’ve ever fallen into. I heard a knock at the door, a concerned voice muttered, “Are you okay in there? I haven’t heard the shower turn on yet.” Instead of letting the woman know that I was fine she turned the shower knob to the hottest it could get, so that steam flowed out from over the rim of the bath tub, onto the floor, and under the bathroom door. I heard no voices, just footsteps fading into the hallway. The tears on my face stay as I began striping away my dirty clothes. I set them on the counter of the bathroom and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror; I see bruises and scrapes throughout my body. As I stare I try to think about how I got them, but come up with nothing. They were most likely from the nights I would blackout. I do not know my own limits when I start drinking, I would go until either there was no more alcohol or I was passed out. The temperature of the shower is too hot, but in my mind I see it as a way of washing my sins away, the hotter the water the cleaner I would be.
I knew that I failed miserably this time and there would be no coming back from it. I had certainly ruined the relationship that I had worked so hard for with my mother, and I pushed away the only person that wanted to work on the relationship with, because I was ashamed of what I’d become. I closed my eyes and a flash back hit me; I was jumping rope with May in the playground of our school as a twelve year old girl. May was one of the only ones that have stuck by her through it all. We laughed as we dropped our jump rope and ran for the bell. I wanted to go back so badly, but instead I opened my eyes and snapped back into reality.
My body shuddered; my withdrawals are hitting me hard. The first two days were easy, I unknowingly slept through them. When I woke up this morning I was violently sick. If I had only known that this would be my life. Would I have done it differently? Made better decisions? Made better friends? The water pierced my skin with every drop. I turned and let the water come down on my back. I closed my eyes tightly at the pain. Another flash back hits; May is sitting on my bed with me trying to help me through yet another rough patch, but she couldn’t. I would not let her, she had sacrificed too much already for me, and I can’t stand the fact that she sees me like this every day; I was so ashamed of what I had become.
“Come out to the lake house with me, you can get away from everyone and everything for awhile. You can get clean, not forever, just long enough to clear your mind and get things right.” But she I say no, instead I tell my friend that I doesn’t want to get clean; if she would just leave me alone I would be fine. I was tired of her re-arranging her life to help me, so I picked a fight so that she would no longer have to.
“You’re always looking at my flaws and you act like your being a good friend to me, I don’t need this in my life.” I asked her to leave and never come back and that’s exactly what she did. I opened my eyes to see my skin was exceedingly red. I had taken enough, so I turned the shower off and stepped out.
Five more days passed and my detoxing was over, I hadn’t been clean in over a year. I felt amazing, don’t misunderstand me, I missed it but I knew I would be so much better off without it. Today was the day I got to leave the group home. My mom should be there any minute to pick me up and bring me home with her. I sat on the lawn of the group home and watched for her. I see her truck pull up, but it’s not only her that gets out. May is walking towards me. I have never felt so forgiven in my life! She walks up and without saying anything hugs me tight. I pull away to look at her face in confusion.
“Why are you here? Don’t you hate me yet?” We both chuckled.
“No, I don’t hate you; I know you didn’t mean anything you said. I’m just glad you’re happy and healthy now.”
My mother came next and she hugged me for minutes and then asked me if I was ready to come home. I told her yes and we went to the car. I got in the backseat with May and watched the home get smaller as we drove away. I had called this place home for nearly two weeks and I knew that I was ther

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Basically my dad became a drunk, and he drinks everyday, he injured his knee and hes been missing work and i did not go to school at all because all he would do is drink all day long. Me and my mom have been fighting his alcoholism for about two years now but after new years he heavily relied on strong liquor and he was a totally different person. He would say that he is going to go work in the basement because our basement is not finished meanwhile he gets drunk down there. He is a really hard man to understand and to speak with, when hes drunk hes is unstoppable. He would drink every single day and would play fight with me and sometimes take it to the extreme. One time he got really drunk, my mom got mad and started crying yelling about divorce and such and she tried to put him in bed but he would say that he needs to go into the basement to “work” and get up again, my mom would stay in his way and that time was the worst i have ever seen him. He pushed my mom against the wall, and i had to step in, I pushed him slightly onto the bed and told him to sleep, he would still get up it was like 3 in the morning and he finally fell asleep. My mom would cry and would have finger-print bruises and i would never forgive my dad after that. Its an instant cycle, he asks forgiveness and does it all over again. No matter how many times i would look into his drunken eyes and tell him all sorts of stuff that he is doing, he would say, i dont give a $%^& i dont care about you, and i would say ive been your son for 19 years he would say i dont care. An instant #$%^ing cycle, divorce, alcohol etc.. And it got worse i would go to bathroom or go to take a shower he would momentarily go and get drunk. There were times we fought, and i have bloody knuckles and he would also. He is not my dad he is a monster, without any sense of remorse or sense of feel when he is completely plastered. Next morning he would wake up, and wonder why me and mom are looking through apartment ads and are mad at him, as if he did not do anything at all. My mom would often give in and forgive him, cut him slack and such. And it would never finish positively. Infact she cuts him so much slack that he gets to drink some liquor and almost finish the bottle meanwhile my mom is somewhere else. I told my mom i will hide the bottle and i will not tell her where its kept. We tried everything we took away his money, his cards got rid of all the alcohol, and yet it still happens. Whenever my mom drinks wine and gives him some too he drinks much more much much more than she does. He always drinks beer, when he doesnt have any liquor. Right now that ive been watching him and taking care of him at home, he changed tremendously but he still craves liquor. Maybe now i can start to go to school. The reason im saying so much detail is that i need to cut the most uneeded pieces for the explanations to my profs so that the profs dont call the cops on my dad or something like that and effection, any ideas? Thanks for all the input!

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I am a smoker who desperately wants to be done with the whole addiction… but cold turkey is sooo hard for me. I can go 3 days without smoking, but I haven’t been able to make a week. Does anyone know the best method to use? Nicotrol, Nicoret, etc.
What really works?

No smart-azz remarks, please!!

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