
My “best friend” (who I’ll refer to as ‘X’) and I have recently been getting into a series of scuffles after a large clash we had a couple weeks ago. Before I begin with my question, however—background information needed: I’ve been known to obsess over certain things and get depressed without them, I happen to be gay and I “like” this friend more than anyone I’ve ever known (it’s actually more of a one-way love) for over two years, X’s straight.
The fight, which occurred on the 6th, was pretty daft. X was in a bad mood and felt the need to take it out on me—or so I was told afterwards. It ended with a “You just don’t like the fact that I like somebody else that isn’t you.” Now, I’ve had a very traumatized past if I may point out and it’s made me a very emotional person. The message started a quick successive break-down (which I am also known to have). However, some of these break-downs go extremely far and I managed, with some help, to stop it before it got out of hand.
I eventually got an apology, which I found exceedingly hard to accept, and even more so now. Almost two weeks later (the 19th) the current problem came up. I apparently talk to her too much. Now, X’s outbursts have started ever since I found out who she likes—I don’t know if that’s worth much, but another fact all the same. I haven’t talked to her for over 36 hours and I’m starting to get a little distressed. I’ve been freezing, even though I’m in long sleeves, sweatshirts, and jeans (but my internal temperature is staying the same). I’ve been trembling almost constantly and I keep feeling the need to stop whatever I’m doing and refocus my thoughts—which keep straying out of line.
I’ve looked up OCD and Schizophrenia, both of which sound similar to my relationship with her—besides the fact that we’re not together, and I’m not controlling of her life (at least, I don’t believe I am). Now, I know it’d be a stretch over the internet, but could anybody tell me what this “obsession” I have is? I feel as if I’m sinking into nothingness. My chest (heart area) feels numb, my heartbeat won’t pick up and I can barely feel it through my chest. I’m of the opinion that I’m honestly addicted to this person. Is that even possible?
-Thanks
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