
ok so….this is how it goes: I’ve been taking adderall non-perscribed for almost 10 yrs now. I am also a heavy drinker, because it helps me sleep and come down from the adderall. I first started taking adderall to get through college…and when I didn’t have adderall I did meth. Then I stopped for about 2 yrs. I started taking it again about 3 yrs ago after I left my husband and was dealing with a really hard situation, adderall helps me forget and move on, deal with stuff etc..anyway it has become a huge problem again…when I don’t have adderall I resort to meth again and I know that is terrible but I crave that high and that motivation so bad!
I recently (beginning of August) told my boyfriend about my problem and that I wanted to get clean and I was clean for about a month after i told him, he was supportive and there for me when I was in tears and having a break down about my secret addiction. But now he is gone out of town off and on for the next three months for work and the day he left the first thing I thought of was getting high. I have been back on adderall for a month now and when I don’t have adderall I do meth, its the same ****** up cycle! He told me that i need to be honest with him about everything and with this addiction but he also told me that if I ever touched it again he would leave me….I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to leave but I do want to tell him because I want to get off of it and his support really helps me stay clean. Its not that I need him to get clean, but maybe I do, I’m not doing it for him, I AM doing it for myself but his support is what keeps me strait. I am a functioning addict I have a job and I am back in school again working on a second degree and I feel like the adderall helps keep my grades up but I can keep my grades up without it too. Also, you would never be able to tell if i am on it or if I’m not and thats scary to me, I funtion so well on these stimulants that even when my boyfriend came back on his days off he couldn’t even tell I was high. None of my family members know, none of my friends know either. I’ve only told my boyfriend.
I crave that high and when I’m high all my problems and worries and what have you disapere and I can function. But at the same time I’m drowning in addiction and I don’t know what to do…I get high to do school work, I get high to not think about my boyfriend being gone, I get high to function, I get high to mask and not think about my problems….but like I said I am functioning just on the surface, inside I’m screaming. What should I do?
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