Okay, i’m really just looking for advice/someone that can sympathize. Actually, I just want to share my story with others. I’ve had enough of dealing with these emotions and it’s time i ask other people for advice. Anyways…
I experienced my first heartbreak around October 2009. It was messy, upsetting, but most painfully…expected. He broke my heart BUT we’re happily together now. Still. And i love him more than anything. I’m thinking some background info will be needed…
For starters, I’m 17. He’s a little less than a year younger, making him 16. I’m a senior in high school, he’s a junior. Age means nothing to me, for the record. So…
August, 2009. The month after my break up with my ex, who i dated for nearly nine months; i called this relationship off so no, i was not hurting. Anyways, i got really close to one of my cousin’s friends after that. I’ve always known him but we never really talked or spent time together, until this summer. We became best friends. Yes, I fell for my best friend. Cliche, I know but hey, love is love. Well, he had a significant problem with drugs. Me being the smart, good, rule-following, straight a, school girl, he was definitely not the one for me. But i fell for him anyways. So, we were best friends. We mutually agreed that we liked each other and we wanted to have a future together. I refused to date him until he got his life under control, meaning started thinking more rationally, cut down the drug usage and opted to get better grades. He did so…or so I thought. I found out he was hiding a lot of things from me throughout all of September, but i forgave him, as that’s what i always do. Anyways, he wanted to date me. Really badly. And i wanted to be with him, but his drug problems had not yet been overcome, he still needed to get help, my friends hated him, and my family didn’t approve. But i continued to help him and fall for him more and more, because i was the only one who actually succeeded in becoming super close to him and helping him with his problems. So no matter what, whether we dated or not, I was stuck with him…but in a good way. So he’d promise he’d wait for me no matter how long it took. His parents (who i was close with because i knew them for quite a while…they’re family friends as well) continually asked me to help straighten him out and to not give up, to do all i could to improve his rebellious life….but they didn’t know about the drugs. Soon though, they found out…say, early October? I kind of helped them find out…but he ended up getting help and whatnot, going to rehab and counseling. He’s been clean for five months and he’s improved his life tremendously. He tells me that he’s finally happy.
So, whilst all this was going on, he started talking to this other girl. We’ll call her Jane for the sake of the story. I didn’t know that our mutual “i only like you and i don’t need anyone else” was completely one sided. Thank you, deception. So, he started texting and talking to, even hanging out, with Jane without me knowing for a couple weeks. He had me completely fooled. So, one day while i was at work, a Sunday, he texted me, “I don’t think we should do this anymore.” Of course i responded with, “Do what?!” Meaning he didn’t think that we should try to be more than we were, because dating clearly wasn’t going to work. That he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that he was done waiting around for me. And yeah…i got super upset. Then later, after work, I just asked him if there was someone else. He said yes, and he just “wanted to see if there was anything there.” Worst reason ever. We fought for two solid days, said some terribly nasty things to each other. He said some things that i will never forget and i said things that i completely regret. But still. He had promised me I was worth the wait NO MATTER WHAT. At that point, everything was a lie to me. I couldn’t trust him, and I wanted nothing to do with him. But i couldn’t let go. So i cried for three days, wrote one final note telling him it was either me (the girl who devoted three months of her life, saved you from numerous situations, picked you up completely messed up downtown at one am, helped you through so much, stopped you from killing yourself, took on so much stress for you, etc.) or Jane, the freshmen who doesn’t even know the real you. It was an upsetting, tough, strenuous battle, but he realized that there was nothing there with her. They dated (for three days) and he said that all he could think about was me. When they hugged, it was me. He didn’t kiss her because my face would pop into his head. So he broke it off, but originally wasn’t going to because he “didn’t want to hurt an innocent girl.” I don’t know if he ever realized that he hurt me, an innocent girl. He originally told me he understood the whole situation and that i was worth everything. Believe me, i felt worthless after that move he made with Jane. He said he’d still be my friend while he was w
he was with her. But i cried and cried, and explained that it was either NO contact at all, or me be the only girl he loved. I couldn’t just be friends with him. It never would’ve worked and never would’ve been the same. The feelings would always be there and just a friendship would create false hope.
Anyway, he came back to me. We worked things out. We eventually started dating like we knew was going to happen all along. I’m still with him and it’s been a few months since the incident. And we’re happy, we love each other, we know everything about each other and I know the real him, just like he knows the real me. But Jane, i see her all the time. It’s like she haunts me. And then all my emotions come flooding back and i have to hide them. But right now, i’ve had enough and i just need to share my story. Because telling him does nothing but makes him feel bad, but i just need a way to cope.
Sorryy that was super long, but when I write, I write a lot. Thank you for reading and I appreciate anything anyone has to say :) if you have any questions, i’ll add them in and answer them if you’re confused. Oh, and if you need advice, i’m pretty good at giving it haha. thank youuuu.
Clicking advertisements helps keep this site running. thank you!
