Just so you are aware off the bat, this girl has some major psychological problems she’s trying to deal with. In fact, she attempted suicide recently. This might not even the best place to ask about such a serious situation, but I’m gathering all the input I can. I will be talking to a counselor in-person soon about this same story.
She’s very unstable and lacks willpower. She started drinking in her teens and became an addict. She has been attending AA for about six months, stopped drinking for a while but got right back into it because she would hang out at bars surrounded by alcohol. She also did various drugs in college, mostly by IV, though tells me she hasn’t been using them for two years. I don’t want to be too trusting … I don’t know for sure that she’s been off drugs since.
We were best of friends at a very young age. We’ve reunited online after losing contact many years ago when her family moved away (she still lives far away, we are in communication via phone and online). Very recently she had told me about how good I made her feel and both of us have a lot of fun talking to each other. She wanted to move forward into a long-distance relationship. I’ve been willing to give it a chance, and at the same time been aware of the problems she’s had and continues to deal with.
Back to the suicide … she never told me she was going to. In fact my conversation with her the same day she attempted it, she was laughing while I was on the phone with her. It was a rather upbeat, positive conversation and never saw a suicide attempt coming that same day. I believe her reasoning has to do with how she recently lost her job that she just got. She lost it because she was in a fight with her boss’s daughter (who works at the same place) a few days beforehand. The fight happened because (surprise) they were drunk.
I don’t approve of the drinking whatsoever, or the drugs she once used, or any of the trouble she gets into. I would love to see this relationship work out without jeopardizing my own life. She can be a fun, sweet girl around me and when she isn’t tempted to drink.
Chances are half the reason she wanted this relationship is because I’m the kind of guy that would lead someone into a “clean” lifestyle. I don’t drink at all. I never tried drugs. I never picked a fight with anyone and am always optimistic. I’m afraid she wanted this relationship as an escape route from her current life.
How do I explain to her my thoughts on her terrible habits? Should I just go back to just staying as friends with her while she possibly lives single for the rest of her life (or ends up with some whack-job of a guy)?
Thanks, and sorry for the wordy question. :)
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