Confidential Drug Rehabilitation

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I have tried all I know. He’s an alcoholic. I tell him to get out, he says no. I threaten to leave, he says make sure you take it all, because you’re never coming back in here. He’s missing more and more work. He’s usually at least an hour late daily and misses a few days a month because he’s hung over and has been up all night. He plays World or Warcraft every moment he isn’t working. He does sleep overs a couple times a month…probably with his brother. He won’t have anything to do with me physically…nothing. I have no proof, but I’m pretty sure he’s using drugs.

I hate that I feel like my only option is to leave and struggle or stay and be miserable. I am a complete idiot for having kids with him…I already know that. I would really like to know how a strong woman would deal with this. I always hear women say “I wouldn’t put up with that”. Do you mean you’d leave? Or what would you do? Who would you involve? I can’t find a counselor who will see us until he’s ready to deal with his addiction. He does not think he has a problem. He thinks I am his problem. He’s called me a retard and has threatened to have me put away in a mental hospital if I keep bugging him.

How do I put my foot down? Or do I have to leave? I’m so scared for my kids future, whether I stay or leave. He has told me he’d vanish before he’d pay child support to me, so that’s out of the question to count on too.

Help. I know he’s messed up and I would rather make it work. Help.
Anne, we’ve done the intervention. He won’t go and he refuses to leave the house.
Again, I’m hearing make him move out. HOW??? That’s what I want, but he won’t go!

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I’m 16, my mom is an alcoholic, my family and I have been through so much with her problem, when she finally got help I thought it was all better. But we found out about 3 weeks ago that she has been having an affair with her ex boyfriend from college. My mom and I always had the best relationship out of everyone in the family and when I found out she was lieing to me I was completely torn. My dad said he can’t divorce her even if he wanted to because we’d lose the house and our family would fall completely apart. After a huge fight I thought my mom would stop talking to this guy she’d been seeing behind our backs,, but today my brother and I found emails she’s been sending him and they were talking about meeting again this weekend. We told my dad and he’s going to stop her from going by taking her car keys before she is about to leave. We have been hiding from my mom that we know about this weekend with her “secret lover” so she doesn’t know what is about to come. You have to understand my mom doesn’t handle anything well, she has a complete mental breakdown and starts drinking and won’t stop for 1-2 weeks until she comes back down to earth. But this time is going to be worse then anything other time. This week coming up is going to be complete hell and my mom refuses to get help such as rehab or even a therapist or marriage counsler. I’m scared her or my dad might get hurt during this. There is going to be constant fighting, the entire house will be a mess, everyone will be so tense, my mom will be drunk, sleeping, or fighting with my dad every second of the day or might even leave for good. This has all happened before after fights she has with my dad, but this time will be ten times worse and i don’t think i can handle it.

What can i do to keep a healthy state of mind while this is happening?
How can i convince my mom to get help?

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My husband has been in a 9 month rehab program for alcohol and drugs. He will be graduating soon, and he is in the process of looking for a job and so on. I think its great that after 9 months he is very motivated in looking for a job etc…He has made me go through hell and even after all the times that he has broken my heart I have been the only person that has stood by his side. Ever since he accepted to go into the 9 month Christian rehab center I have been visiting him as often as I can so that he doesnt miss out on our daughter as she grows, I have also kept in touch with him through letters and I just try to give him as much support and encouragement as I can. I give him credit because he has stuck through these long 9 months and I am pretty sure that Its a hard battle to fight when you are an alcoholic and drug addict, no one is forced to stay the entire 9 months anyone can walk out of that rehab center just as anyone walks out of their front door. My husband has been talking to me about moving back together, but we dont have anything, no roof, no $$ saved, and he got upset when I mentioned that first things are first…we gotta pay all the debts that are pending we have to save up, and so on. My parents have been the only ones helping me with my baby since she was born (I know they dont mind, but it is not their obligation) I had a hell of a time after my baby was born bcause 2months after her birth I ended up in ER (gallbladder removal) I was in ICU for 2 weeks…it was terrible and the only ones to be there for me and my baby were my parents bcause he was too busy drinking etc…How can I make him understand that he needs to work his way up? I can just say ok lets move back together, when he has not made a single effort to gain my trust back? I have done so so so much for him and it seems as if he doesnt see it. When everyone else turned their back on him, there I was, even on worse days while I was still recovering from my surgery I was there for him. Why cant he understand or see that he has hurt? Why cant he be more understanding and be a sweeter and more understanding person? I know that when I have hurt someones feelings I feel ashamed and feel so bad for what I have done. If any of you are men that are answering this question: “Why do you act like that?” I am not talking about a girlfriend boyfriend…I am talking about husband and wife. Even though he tells me that he wants to be together and be husband and wife, and he tells me that he loves me he shows me the opposite.Today while I was talking to him and once again trying to tell him that he cant just come out of no where and make plans for me about moving back with him when I have been living with my parents and my daughter for almost a year, without him making a single effort to gain my trust and back, he obviously didnt like what I was telling him and he hung up one me, its not the first time he has hung up on me, so that just tells me that if things dont go his way then he doesnt like it and doesn want to hear anymore of it. If I have put up with him and stuck by his side after the time she has hurt me…wouldnt my actions be speaking more than my words?Would he know that I love him very much? Thank you for comments. I know this is a long story, but I had to take some of this off my chest.

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