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Question by 22butterfly22: Boyfriend of 4 years throwing me through a roller coster, please help!?
So here is the scenario:

10 months ago my boyfriend (24 years old) and I (24 years old) broke up because he cheated on me and he decided to stay with that girl. We reconnected 4 months later and have been together ever since.

Things were great in the first few months, he was changing the way he used to be (he used to flake on me, accuse me of cheating and be verbally abusive). I haven’t been happier with him or loved him more. This month is the sixth month of being together and all of sudden things are starting to change.

Last weekend he flaked on me to go to his friends, left me at his house until 1 in the morning. Of course he had a huge apology and a excuse. I forgave him because he promised he wasn’t gonna be that person anymore, he said he just slipped. Okay fine. But this weekend it all changed again.

Friday he freaked out because I didn’t want to take him to narcotics anonymous meeting (he is a recovering drug and alcohol user). The plan was to just go to the movies with his friends, but all of a sudden he wants to go to a meeting. I fully support his recovery and always have, but I just wasn’t in the mood. The issue is that he has no car and no license so I have to take him everywhere.

Anyways, once I said I was set on not going he flipped out. He told me how I never want to hang out with his friends (totally untrue) and that it’s really hard to be with me (I give him rides everywhere, have helped him out more than anyone ever has and love him so much). I was shocked that he would react like this over not getting his way. And then it got worse he told me he wants to break up. Hours later though it turned out to just be a threat, but my trust and respect for him totally disappeared. I forgave him later the next day.

During the next day we kept distance from each other, but he said we would hang out and do whatever I wanted. Well that never happened because he went with his friends and didn’t call me till 9:15pm. Then he was inviting me over to his friends house where I thought the plan was just gonna be me and him. That turned into a huge fight because he flips out within seconds over nothing.

So I come over to his house and he gets into my car. The minute he sits down he says, “why does you car smell different, what is that weird smell??” And he sits there and sniffs around like a dog for like a minute. He was implying that I may have had a guy in my car even though he didn’t say it. I was mortified and just sickened. I have never ever cheated on him and for him to even have the audacity to do that was horrible.

I couldn’t speak to him the whole night, I didn’t even want him touching me. He tried to apologize and told me the reason he did that was because since he was being such a bad boyfriend lately, he thought maybe I would go find another guy. I can’t stand it.

All I keep thinking is I need to break up with him, but we have broken up so many times and each time I have come back. I mean I even came back when he cheated, so what’s the point in ending it. I just can’t seem to leave. Please help me, I really have no one to talk to about this right now.

Thank you so much for even reading.

Best answer:

Answer by Brooke
I know it’s hard not being able to talk to someone, especially your boyfriend when he’s supposed to be your best friend. It seems like he is just turning the situation around and trying to make you feel bad for the wrong things he is doing, which guys tend to do. Maybe when a fight happens, and he decides to “leave” you just need to stop trying to contact him, and let him come back to you. Let him be scared of losing something great he has. I know it may be hard to do, because you obviously care for him a lot if you’re doing all these things for him. He just needs to mature.

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Question by Lala: my boyfriend is in Narcotics Anonymous & it seems real shaky?
i had to photograph an artist & didnt tell my BF bcz i want to keep it to myself & focus. i didnt feel like answering ?’s comments. he ask if i’m taking nude shots. i said no, the guy sings. i told him i didnt want him to go with me bcz its a drinking crowd & he’s in the NA program. he can pick me up when i’m done. i told him what time the show starts & ends. but it didnt go that way. the show started 2 hrs late. i texted to let him know what’s going on. i ask if he felt comfortable in the club so we can be 2gether he said “no way”. then he showed up surprisingly. he got mad bcz my coat was on a chair with the artist’s coat. then he left bcz he didnt want to be around drinkers. he pick me up, he was mad & jealous & making comments that suggested “i go be with that guy” & other jealous stuff that made the night worse. we wanted to be 2gether but i had biz to do. The night ended with us breaking up. I know he’s in recovery but he was also JEALOUS. What was I supposed to do?

Best answer:

Answer by *~*Super Star*~*
leave him alone. he needs time to deal with his drug problem and it seems like he’s not quite done with that yet. and if he’s in NA the first thing they tell you is to no have a girlfriend or boyfriend because they can hender the procress not that you would give him drugs or anything but like you said you didn’t want him at the club and he didn’t want to go but he showed up anyways. so that still shows that he can’t control himself. I’d give him time to get his habit fully under control.

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little under a year now, and I’m still living at home so even though I’m 18 i still have to follow the rules. I’m not allowed to see him so its very stressful to be with him, I have to lie just to see him for a couple of hours. I have a lot of other crap going on so i told him we needed to break up, maybe just for a while until i get my own place because i don’t feel right lying anymore, if i get caught with him i get kicked out so i tried to break up with him. I told him that later on we can try it again but he got so upset. He refused to come and talk in person so we could talk about it face to face, so I had to do it over messages, I explained it wasn’t his fault its just the situation and he started freaking out saying I was all he has and without me theres no reason to live. That he is going to shoot himself in the head, because i’m the only reason he has to live. I know, I know “everyone” threatens this but hes tried to kill himself before…over one of his ex’s, he’s a pretty crap life so i know he’s already depressed, he wont go into any type of treatment program so i didnt know what to do. So i told him i made a mistake and that i was sorry and i didnt mean it, but i’m so tired of feeling like i have responsibility over his life, its not fair, he always tells me how much he went through when i attempted suicide earlier this year and had to go to rehab for 4 months like blackmailing and guilting me saying how i’m just abandoning him,I never loved him and all that. So i guess we’re still together, but I seriously don’t think i can handle this anymore, I am personally bipolar so something as small as this may be to someone else is huge and its driving me crazy. So any input anyone has is greatly appreciated i’m getting to the point where i’m suicidal over this and everything else …thanks for reading my ranting question..

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he has Chlamydia and Genital Warts..
we have had sex =/ without a condom.
im scared. please dont criticize me.
when he told me i just stared into space with my mouth open
and then he was like “babe did you hear me?” and i just said
“yeah” i was suprised then i started balling my eyes out.
idk if it was because of the STD or how clean of drugs he sounded.
i loved his voice. he sounded so perfect.
but the STD thing…wasnt perfect. im scared
it was my first sexual partner and if you even knew why
i had given it up you would understand why i’ve had sex.
look. im not looking to get yelled at.
and im not looking for “ha your screwed” i know i am.
he said both were curable. true?
idk. im scared. im to young for this.
i thought only whores got this xD fuckin unlucky me.

thanks.

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She loves her boyfriend and tries to keep us a secret but she loves me too but we don’t want to hurt/make angry her boyfriend of three years. Hes been a shitty boyfriend to her lately but he reminds me of myself although I haven’t really spoken to him and I think if I was in his situation I might be a shitty boyfriend also. So what is this? So I shouldn’t care about pursuing this girl… because she lies to her boyfriend which could be me in 3 years. But I think I might be able to really be able to appreciate her more than any other guy has before and she complains about her boyfriend every day to her mother and her mother threatens suicide if they have baby together. Her Mother really likes me, I am “her Favorit person”. She seems to be on one drug or another every day but it does not show in general perhaps it would be a burden… Anyways I suppose this is enough info to get decent answers. =D

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About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend entered a detox unit in Northern California where he will be undergoing treatment also for 30 days.He was addicted to using oxycodone and when he tried to come off that he was given methodone and for the past year has been taking this every day along with other pills here and there. About 2 weeks ago he really hit rock bottom and everything really went wrong. We checked him into the hospital where he resided for a week helping his family as well as me get our bearings together and bough us a little time so we could find a facility to put him in. He is 23 years old and willingly agreed to undergo treatment is he went away. We found a great facility in California and his sister and i actually flew him in to drop him off to start the process. I have been with him now for 2 years and our relationship as been great. he is an amazing person and im so afraid of losing him. Im scaird to be without him and these past 2 weeks have been compete torture for me being that i cant speak to him directly while he is in detox.I am recieveing updates here and there form his family when they speak with the ocunselor but its not enough. This i sall i thinka botu day in and day out and i just want to know that when he comes out he will need me more than ever before becasue i want to be there to support him any way i possibly can. I love him and care about him so so much and can possibly see my life without him in it and before he went in he made sure to tell me how much he loved me and thanked me for everything i had done and he understand why this was all done now but when someone is away from you for so long after being with them all the time your mind starts to play tricks on you and you start thinking about things you never have.I keep doubting our relationship, im scaird that when he comes back he may not want this and i dont knwo why all these thouhgs are running though my mind. I guess becasue i have no contact with him im thinking of the worst possible scenarios.I Know he has to focus on him right now and im so happy and proud of him but i just hope he knows how much i have done for him and will continue to do…
His detox is hitting its 2 week mark and he will start treatment this week.Being that i am a plane ride away from him voisting is going to be a little bit of a challege. I was told that he is allowed visitors every sunday and i was thinking of visiting him the first sunday of his rehab…
I have been writing letters constantly also. Im going back to school in the fall which is why i though it would be a good idea to go now because i dont know if its going to be a possibility if i wait.

Please give me some imput on this or advice.Also if anyone has been through this or has had an addiction themselves please comment.
Thanks…

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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is everthing you could ask for in a guy,he’s got a good heart, but he is an alcoholic, the late nights kinda type. He is also on a depression medicine.I knew when we first start dating he liked to drink, but i just didnt know the amount. Last year he hit his rock bottom, and went to rehab but only for 7 days, after that he did his outpatient meetings. Me and his family also attented meetings to gain better understanding of his disease. But he never did go to any AA meetings, didnt read his books.

He was sober for 8 months, and he is drinking again, he is 25 years old.I am from a different country, and Im 20 years old.My family has left the country about a year ago. And i decided to stay here with him and start a life. So therefore he is the only family i got in the states now. But everything seems to be going down the hill. Our relationship has completely fallen apart. I see no effort my bf making to be sober again, alcohol is number one again and so are his alcoholic friends. Theres been times when he would be gone for 3 days, no calls , just ignoring and pushing me away so he can drink. There are days when we get along and are happy but its only few out of the week. Complete change of a person. I tried to leave him couple months ago, due to his no effort to get better, but he promised, and convinced me to stay. He made so many promises how im all he needs, not the alcohol, so he propsed and i said yes.Knowing no one can help him but himself.

But few weeks after, he was back to drinking again. After i made it clear to him that i cant see him like this anymore. It broke me apart knowing after he proposed he was back to it again, I have a pretty good knowlage about this disease, and i know what his steps should be, but it seems like he’s just lost and everytime i try to pull away, it is the same cycle of how he will change. I love and care about him, but our relationship has been filled with anger, secrets, lack of communication, the intimmate part is way gone, we argue all the time . I feel all alone, my father was an alcoholic it has always followed me, so how can i marry an alcoholic thats not even willing.. i tried to be there for him, but something always seems to go wrong,,so the wedding we had planned its been canceled, and it completaly broke me,im not happy, i lost all hope and faith , crying doesnt help anymore..but how many chances can u give? I just know what we used to be.”happy”..but this has changed me as a person, and i know i will never look at alcohol the same way.

He doesnt take me seriously up to the point, when i want to leave him, thats when he tries for few weeks, to keep me here. I am emotionaly draiend, dont really have anyone to go to but his family, because he doesnt want my friends to know.about his addiction.thats all i think about, and i know deep down i should leave him.But i know who he can be , but the alcohol is destroying his life. I am 20 years old, didnt experience much yet, i really think the best thing would be for me to leave and heal, or is this what i should settle for? Just because of love? Please what do yall think?

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Hey fellow thinkers and wonderers…

Me and my boyfriend have a great relationship. Sometimes, however, he likes to talk about strange things when we are in bed I like it when my boyfriend is close and sweet, but he likes it when we make believe we are in the middle of shooting a porn. He likes talking about and imagining we are having group sex sessions and having plenty of guys on top o’ his girl! Sometimes I go along with it, and at other times, I’ll make a very weird face at him, letting him know it’s gone a bit far.

Guys and girls…what does this mean? It doesn’t make me feel insecure or anything, but I’m wondering if this is normal? Could it be a secret addiction to porn? Does it mean that he wants to have a sexual experience like this? Trust me, I have asked him these questions, and so far, he just laughs and says ‘of course not!’

My boyfriend is the type of guy who only had three girlfriends before me. He was completely faithful to each one, and he’s no male slut. So is our relationship healthy? Guys and girls are so different that I need some insight…

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Ok This Is very Complicated. This last Feb. my bf and I got arrested. And of course i had to open my big mouth and tell the truth and we both went to jail but the thing about this is that when we went to jail on the 21st i got bonded out and James had to stay in jail. I felt so bad, i cry all the time because all we were trying to do was be together. I miss him so much and i want him to get out so bad but i dont have the money to post his bond. Anyway, James had all these secrets about his life and that I never thought I would have to encounter with one man. I mean i knew he was in a rehab but then i founde out that he had wife but that they were separated so i just let it go.Until whild he was in jail, about a month ago he told me that his daughter was writing him and he told me that he did’nt want to keep stuff fromand he didnt want to lie to me so he told me that his daughter was writing him. Well i was talking to my stepmother and she told me to write a letter to Chris , a guy i met last year tha james does not like, and accidently send it to James so I did. then she told me that I need to be careful because she wasent so sure he was not writing his wife in there. And that got me to thinking about everything that had been coming to light since i had got out of jail and since i had been talking to his sister. And i feel like he is just playing games with me and messing with my head. And I also think that when he gets out hs is going to go back to hsi wife and leve me with a broken heart. I need toknow what to do so i dont have to go through that. I love James to death and I dont want to leave him but i am not going to to be played with. I have better things to do thanto stick around and get my heart broken again. I just dont know what to do. Please help me.

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My boyfriend has been away for almost a month now at a rehabilitation center. I can’t drive at the moment so I haven’t seen him in a long time and I just received a call from him saying that he is going to Florida to live in a sober living transition home after his time is up at the center. The only catch was that, in order for him to be accepted into this program he has to go straight from rehab to the airport to leave. One of my friends is willing to drive me to the airport so i can say goodbye (i kind of want it to be like in the movies where someone is leaving and the other person chases them ha). the only problem is that i’m not sure that i can surprise him at his gate without an actual boarding pass. I really just want a chance to say goodbye and give him a letter i wrote before he leaves. does anyone know if i can get to the gate without having the boarding pass? or something else equally as romantic i could do? I need all the help i can possibly get and sort of quick. thank you!

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