My husband’s porn addiction! Please only answer if you had any experience as either an addict or as the partne?

April 9, 2010 admin 6 comments

My husband is a confessed porn addict. he has phases where he goes without porn for weeks and weeks and then relapses into daily secret sessions of online porn indulgment and mastrubation. After educating myself about this subject and him trying to find a help theraphy group I realized this is a very tough problem. He confessed that he needs professional help and wants to get rid of this habit. I understand from talking to him and reading alot about it that he uses porn as a way of dis associating himself from his inner fears and anxieties and uses porn as pain killers in order to numb himself emotionally. But what I dont understand is why he cant have sex with me. We have in average one and a half time sex per month. (By half I mean just oral). I dont need no comments here like I am not sexy or what not I am a very sexy very attractive woman. He has always been that way with every prior gf before me and has always chosen porn over sex. And had sporadic sex lives with his partners. He sais he is weird in that sense. Is their anyone out there who knows and understands this type of behaviour?
The point is I never knew about him being addicted to porn until far into our relationship and I find it very unfair that I do find myself in a situation I have neither caused nor can help. I can sleep with him walk around him naked if it is not porn he doesnt get aroused. I know that I dont want to deal with it but I have to because we have 2 children . I am tired of being sexually frsutrated knowing I just need to walk to a local CVS and find a guy who will take care of me. It sucks that the man I love and sacrificed for doesnt see me sexually. Well, if I will cheat on him in the future he cant blame me. Its hard to say what the future holds but since it is something he cant just shake off its unlikely to change and thus I feel very tempted to say that I will cheat. Because its simply unfair to me. What does he think? I shall just deal with it and suck it up??? I am a woman in my 20ies WTF is he thinking??? I know I should just leave but thats practically impossible.

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CONFIDENTIAL DRUG REHABILITATION addict, addiction, answer, either, experience, Husband's, only, partne, please, porn

Comments

Written by Aggy about 2 years ago.

The only thing that comes to my mind is that you need to pray for him every night because in order for his addiction to go away, God is the only one who can help him out of that situation. Just pray for your husband and watch that he will change. & have faith as well.
Written by Carol722 about 2 years ago.

Fight for your marriage!
Written by stoaste about 2 years ago.

From a psychological standpoint your husbands addiction is no different then that of an alcoholics addiction. What I mean by this is they view their vice as a way out or just a part of routine daily life. When you do something for so long it is hard to break out of that Habit.

I believe that due to the amount of self gratification he receives from pornography he doesn’t feel the need to fulfill his intimate desires as much with you. Basically what I’m getting at is if he is cut off from porn entirely and being intimate with you is his only way out he should begin to re-associate that being intimate with you will fulfill his impulses.

Just my 2 cents worth.
Written by toygal about 2 years ago.

Hi there. I speak from experience as someone once married to a sex addict. The sex addict gets to the point that he is unable to get off through healthy imtimacy. To get stimulated sometimes the stimulus has to get kinkier and kinkier.

There can be periods of sobriety but it becomes a way of coping. There are groups like Sex Addicts Annon, a 12 step group. There are groups for spouses as well.

There is a great book called “Out of the Darkness” by Patrick Carnes. Any material by him is the real McCoy. Some flashy less experienced authors and websites out there, but his literature is like the bible of the therapists who treat this stuff.

For the record, my marriage to my ex ended because he could stop acting out (actually was meeting women). He married his dream girl and he is now doing the same thing to her he did to me….he let his go for 13 years without treatment. That s why.

New info…you are right it isn’t fair to you to have to deal with this. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to put up with it. Educate yourself on sex addictions, decide what boundaries you need for you to feel ok about it all and enforce it. Dressing up sexy and role playing is up to you, but remember, a sex addict wll always need more cutting edge and never satisfied in the end. The problem is with him, you have no control on what he does or doesn’t do.
Written by d p about 2 years ago.

This is a seriously difficult issue to deal with. As someone with the same addiction i can say it is a way to escape from the stresses of life and live in a fantasy world, at least at first it is. After time it becomes something that is just part of life. I want to stop it, but having the will power to do so seems to escape me. I know it is wrong, stupid, and takes way to much of my energy, time, and money but taking the step to stop is hard.

Perhaps you should look into getting programs for you computer that block most sites. Tell your husband first and get his agreement. Also move the computers to a central location in the house that allows the monitor to be viewed from anywhere. basically make it very difficult for him to view the porn. however also look for support groups for him. he will need someone to talk to someone to lean on for support who has also dealt with the same issues and same longings he will feel.

other than that i dont know. i’m starting the same path. i beat my weight issue, now its time to get rid of the porn.

dont cheat…in most states that would be grounds for divorce and gives him more leverage (not that porn wont be seen as a contributing factor). if you are in the states and you haven’t been working while you were married you are likely to get full custody, alimony, and child support for some time. If you are done and talking with him doesn’t do anything and he is unwilling to change then do 2 things:

1-see a marriage counselor with him as the last step. if he still is unchanging or still doesn’t respond to you well
2-file for divorce
Written by mom and dad of 6 about 2 years ago.

I am a porn addict. In the past i would look at it hours every day. Then 3 years ago i got it under control. It is a strong addiction! Try dressing up for him, and do some porn like role playing! And don’t take no for an answer! Good luck!

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My husband’s porn addiction! Please only answer if you had any experience as either an addict or as the partne?

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