I’m married 36 years and I want out!!!!!?

March 26, 2010 admin 13 comments

I married at 17 and have been with my husband for 36 years. We have four kids and three granddaughters. My husband has been an alcoholic our whole marriage.
I’m so tired of it and fear I’ll spend the rest of my life never having a normal relationship, not knowing how it is to not be verbally abused and criticized for everything.
I’m the bread winner…my husband is not able to work due to his problem. He refuses to get help even though my employer offers a rehab program.
I left one time about 6 years ago and he drank so much whiskey, (he’s a beer drinker) he about killed himself…he was sick for weeks. How can I have him poisoning himself and live with it
I just want a quiet, peaceful life…to come and go as I please without the worry of what he’ll do if I’m not around. He promises to stop then sneaks out while I work and loads up.
Does anyone have a practical solution? My husband is a nice man when he’s not drunk..sadly he’s drunk 50 % of the time. I’m just so sad about this

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Comments

Written by Kristin about 2 years ago.

Get out for Christ’s sake. It’s been 36 years and he hasn’t changed, he’s not going to do it now. If you want out, get out. Do something to make yourself happy for once & quit putting him ahead of you.
Written by xrayman 7 about 2 years ago.

I am sorry for you but the way i see it you have two choices.1 you can try to get him in rehab, but he needs to want to help himself. 2 leave him, maybe when he sees what he has lost he will change. The catch here is he may try to drink himself to death,you have to be Strong and let him.If you keep going back every time he cries he knows how to push your buttons. good luck
Written by 1 Love about 2 years ago.

First and foremost, let me commend you for your strength of staying in that type of relationship.

I understand you don’t want to feel the blame should anything happen should you leave however everyone is responsible for their own actions and this is no different.

You are not at fault for wanting better for yourself!

If anything, let someone in his family know your previous experience and ask if they can keep an eye on him to ensure not only his safety but others as well.

2ndly, I have been to AA, therefore I feel I can speak on merit that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped – unfortunately.

Therefore, you can offer him the help but in the end it is up to him to accept the help being offered.

Good luck!
Written by Queen of Beer about 2 years ago.

You have one life to live, start your new life and find happiness again! You deserve it!
Written by luvlisteningtomusic about 2 years ago.

You now have 36 years of damages that have been done to you. You will also need to seek help as well. You have allowed him to drink and treat you terribly and he never had to hit rock bottom or suffer any consequences. If you end up leaving him start going to Al-anon and take care of yourself first. He thinks in order for you to keep him around that he will drink until he dies that right there is sick. Your husband is sick and needs help and has to want help for himself not for anyone else. If you refuse to get help yourself you will not be able to function in a relationship without any chaos because now you are so use to it.
Written by Ty about 2 years ago.

Sorry to hear about your situation. May I suggest that you create an intervention scenario, one in which concerned family and friends explain to him, in an open forum, how your husband’s drinking has had an adverse effect. This may proplel him to see things differently and encourage him to change. You can also tell him how his drinking has affected you and your relationship with him. This must be done therapeutically and without blame. You may also want to seek the church as a resource so as to create some accountabilty standards.
Written by zax_fl about 2 years ago.

After 36 yrs. of unreformed alcoholism, he has used up all the forgiveness that anyone could have. Strike out on your own, get a good lawyer so he doesnt try to grab your assets to buy more of his drink.

Good luck
Written by Francie about 2 years ago.

Why do you think you can rescue him from his addiction when it’s gone on for 36 years. I assume you stayed in this marriage for the sake of your children, and now that they are more than likely in lives of their own you are stuck with your alcoholic. lf you decide to leave again and he drinks to the point of near death, who’s fault is that? I hope you don’t say it’s your fault! One of the reasons your alcoholic keeps doing what he’s doing is because you keep sticking around despite how miserable he makes your life, and he keeps on doing what he’s doing. Why should he even bother to curb his addiction and do something about it when you are so receptive of it going on. His answer is a rehab program, and if he won’t go you have every right to move on with your life if that’s what you want. What he does with his life after you leave is up to him and you have no control over it. You asked…. “how can I have him poisoning himself and live with it?” I hope you realize that you have been living with it while HE is poisoning himself every day that he drinks. His alcohol consumption will slowly but deliberately take his life and you can’t stop it if he won’t. If it’s truly in your heart to leave him, by all means do so and don’t be open to blaming yourself for his life after you leave. He hasn’t cared much about his life, and it appears he hasn’t given much consideration to your life either.
Written by just me about 2 years ago.

It is a sad situation but my dear friend sometimes its better to let go and think about yourself for a change. You also deserve to be happy and live a good life, dont miss out on this ooportunity but then again speak to your spouse regarding this situation before doing anything. It seems like you really care and hes not willing to do anything about his prblem. i wish you the best of luck with your decision but if he refuses help and does not want to change then its up to you to take the first step and do something for yourself. good luck….
Written by Duble!mommy about 2 years ago.

You have tried for a long long time, and there is a limit. if you get already to the limit, honey , get out of there, think, now, only in yourself and let him help or kill himself. HE HAS A WEAKNESS, but its not your fault nor your responsibility. It is up to him to get into rehab or not and he has no right to drag you to the end. YOU BE HAPPY.
Written by __marki marki marki. about 2 years ago.

wow, i’m really sorry.
you do not deserve this.. get out of that relationship.
you can do better.(: and don’t worry to much about him, it’s time that he grows up. plus it’s been thirty six years, that’s ridiclous.
Written by Anne I about 2 years ago.

It’s not your problem that he is an alcholic, it’s his. If he chooses to down whiskey if you leave that’s his choice. Your choice is to leave and get some happiness out of the rest of your life cos you’re not gonna get it with him.
Written by tiidaprimera about 2 years ago.

1. Open the door
2. Walk out
3. Don’t look back

It is easier than you think. But you probably feel guilty that he might kill himself and that others will blame you. After 36 years, you’ve done what you can and it’s time to move on and it is not selfish to think about yourself first.

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I’m married 36 years and I want out!!!!!?

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