Comments on: My parents want me to keep thier alcoholism a secret, should I?

By: John K

John K — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:49:23 +0000

I would honor her request that you keep her information confidential. Now your fiance obviously has a right to know that you are being treated for alcoholism but I don’t think that she has a right to know about your mom and dad if that is their wish. I am pretty sure that she will figure it out at some point anyway if they are still drinking. If they are recovering and not drinking that who cares if they were before since what counts is what is going on now. Also if your fiance and parents have a good relationship then I am sure that one day they may let her know anyway if the situation ever calls for it. As far as being unfair in not telling their secret it sounds like you are just looking for an excuse on why you became an alcoholic by saying…well my folks were so now I am. Good luck in your recovery and stay strong.

By: Nonny D

Nonny D — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:15:17 +0000

That is a family secret. She doesn’t get to know family secrets until she is actually family.

By: sasavert

sasavert — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 09:27:11 +0000

i don’t think you should tell anyone about your mom, and i beleive that you are making your parents being alchoholics the reason why you are and that’s not good. it might be genetic but it’s you that can fight this or given to it and thinking that your parents are alchoholics and taht’s why you are is just an execuse to drink and feel ok about it because i don’t think you want to be one

By: wwwdardar

wwwdardar — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:57:26 +0000

It is private information and it is your parents wishes that you keep them out of it. However for you to recovery your going to have to get to the bottom of your alcohol taking in why you became an alcoholic. In recovery it has to come out. For you to heal. This is not about your mom and dad it’s about you getting to the root of it. In recovery your going to have to look deep inside your up bringing why you became a alcoholic. In for you to recognize it your going to have to talk about. Otherwise your fooling your self in your not going to recover by hind-en it.As a child you had to see your parents drinking a lot. Rather at time you as a child didn’t know it that they were drinkers, to you that was normal. So for you to understand why you became a alcohol your going to have to talk about your childhood. Your going to have to set down with your parents in tell them for you to heal your going to have talk about it to your recovery program. You need to let your parents know that is very important for your recovery in if you hide it, your not going to get better. In a recovery program every thing you talk about stays in that room. Now about your fiance that’s a hard one because that’s a person who you share your life with. But think, she not yet your wife.I could understand about not telling her on your parents behalf. In if you decide not to tell her, let your parents know your not telling your fiance or anybody else only your group in recovery. Because if your going to recovery what use is it if your not going to speak the truth. If you go there in lie, your fooling yourself, in believe me people in recovery know about denial. So your not going to fool anybody. You need to make your parents understand it’s very important to you to recover that you speak the truth. I hope you do the right think. God Bless In don’t matter what keep going to your recovery program.

By: moderndayhippie_420

moderndayhippie_420 — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:27:41 +0000

Tell the people who should know (doctors, psychiatrists, etc.). And tell the people who are close to you, but don’t HAVE to know that your mom told you that you have a close family member who was an alcoholic.

By: Alyssa

Alyssa — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:15:18 +0000

I really don’t know what to do for you. My dad is an alcoholic and I can’t stand it. I just want to cry and die sometimes…but mostly “cry” not “die”

By: Breezer

Breezer — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:02:40 +0000

First of all, I wanted to tell you congratulations on quitting drinking and starting a recovery program. This is wonderful news!

I think you should reveal to your fiance that you are an alcoholic, and that your family has a history of alcoholism. There is no need to tell your fiance who the alcoholics are in your family, as this conversation with your Mother was private.

If you and your fiance are going to have children, please make your children aware of this history of alcoholism, and remember that there is not a best age to do this-sometimes children are tempted to drink a lot sooner than you think.

Good luck and God bless!

By: Natasha J

Natasha J — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:10:00 +0000

Secrets are never healthy. However, blabbing the information freely won’t be helpful to your mother. Telling your fiance might be necessary or helpful to you and if you do so just make sure to let your mom know that you told him and no one else. After you are in treatment longer you may not feel the need te explain yourself to others so freely. Still, secrets are not healthy so I say tell people in circumstances where this will truly help you but don’t tell otherwise.
Therapy technique: Before you say anything think “why do I want to say this”

By: Valorie R

Valorie R — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:45:34 +0000

I would put it this way, you can say both your parents are alcoholics without ever saying your mother admitted to it. As you know alcoholics are usually the last to admit it. If your parents are still drinking then your fiance should be warned. By not saying anything you are just ignoring the elephant in the room. My mother died admitting to being an alcoholic but never doing anything about it. I am not a professional or anything just an adult child of an alcoholic. Congrats on getting sober.

By: ROSIE

ROSIE — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:42:14 +0000

SECRETS CAN BE HARD TO KEEP BUT I THINK U SHOULD RESPECT YOUR MOTHERS WISH BY NOT SAYING ANYTHING. IF THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANYONE ELSE TO NO THEN KEEP IT THAT WAY.