How do you help an alcoholic family member?

March 15, 2010 admin 8 comments

Alcoholism runs in my family. I have a family member who is an alcoholic. She is not in denial and has been in and out of AA for years. She realizes she needs help and is going to enter a 2wk rehab soon. She is the type that hides this disease so well that we never know when she is on or off the wagon. No one would ever guess she has a problem. She is single, lives alone, and has no kids (and so far it has not affected her job) so there is no one to really hold her accountable for her drinking. Recently she told her immediate family/friends that she relapsed several months ago (this even includes her boss). She’s trying everything she knows to get well, and I’d like to help her anyway I can.

Besides holding her accountable daily and going to meetings with her, what are some things I can do to help that a person wouldn’t normally think of? If anyone has experience with this, I’d really appreciate it.

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Written by Tami F about 2 years ago.

From a member of AA…..you can’t help her if she doesn’t really want to get better. She has to believe she is worth more than what she is giving herself. That she is not the piece of S*@# that she has always thought she was. I hope that she has enough prayers out there to help her on the road to recovery.

Good luck and God bless.
Written by Alda about 2 years ago.

Let her know you love her, remind her of any and ALL stupid things she has done while drinking. And the fact that she told her boss YES it has affected her job in the fact that she felt she needed to tell them. The addiction to alcohol is very strong, stronger than drugs as you can stop and get it anywhere. Be aware that she does not need a watchdog, she must do that herself, she needs friends and family that are not judgmental. You need to study what she is going through as since it runs in your family then you have the ability to end up with an addiction of your own. I know it runs in mine too and I battle it myself. My thoughts are with you and your family member, good luck and remember that it is not just up to her in the sense that enablers help her also, friends-family-or anyone else who may tell her that it is OK for one or two drinks….no it is not for an alcoholic…you don’t cure alcoholism you just try to maintain and control it.
Written by amber about 2 years ago.

Always let her know you are tere for her and if she needs help you are there keep her faith up on remembering that she can beat it no matter what the odds and let her know that the repercusions if she keeps drinking let her know that it could kill her i hope i was some help to you
Written by Matt E about 2 years ago.

not to much you can do except be there for her, in the end its in her hands. Maybe try an intervention?
Written by _LEV_ about 2 years ago.

You seem very knowledgable about her condition.

It has always seemed that a partner of an alcoholic is perpetually thinking of ways to adjust things around the alcoholic in hopes of things getting better.

This seems to not be so. It is a natural symptom of co-dependency

Having known many families that have recovered together, the answer seems very simple:

Just take are of yourself, concern yourself with your needs, boundaries, and try to express your care in an honest (even if confrontational) manner.

You are also affected by the disease. Take care of #1, and lead by example.

:)
Written by TweetyBird about 2 years ago.

Actually everyone has given you answers of value. You’d do well to read each one carefully. If you wish to help her, join Alanon and find out how to help and how to avoid enabling. But in the end, she will have to help herself.
Written by Ellen R about 2 years ago.

As a recovering alcoholic/ drug abuser for 12yrs… your friend will get better when she really wants to. There’s nothing special you can do but support her and love her. I relapsed once and that’s what it took for me to stop for good….”one day at a time”. If you pray, pray for her. I’ve been on both sides of the fence and know how very hard it is to watch someone who would really benefit from recovery, fall. I also know how it feels to “fall”. If I didn’t have the support from the rooms of AA and my true friends… It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Good luck to you and I’ll pray for your friend.
Written by Cheryl K about 2 years ago.

Honestly, the sad part is there is nothing you can do to help her! She has to want to be sober. One thing you can do it start going to a support group for family’s of alcoholics. It would really teach you how to deal with all the lies and feelings that surround you because of the disease. Unfortunately this disease affects the whole family and not just the person who is addicted. Another thing you could do is an intervention. A good show to explain and show you how that works it Intervention on A&E.

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