I feel bad about putting all this out there, but I don’t know where else to turn. My mother is an alcoholic and has been for all my life–and majority of her own. I’ve heard a lot of stories that make me feel ashamed and embarrassed about how she was before I was born. She’d party a lot and she’d drink until she passed out, her ‘friends’ would take turns having sex with her and she would never know it. She drank while she was pregnant with me–and luckily, I don’t have any defects. She’s a good mom, does what any mother would for her kid and makes sure she goes to work but she still drinks.

I have very vague memories as a child of how I’d cry over my mom thinking she was dead any time I saw her sleeping longer than I thought normal–she was difficult to wake up. As I grew up, I realized that she wasn’t just sleeping, she ‘blacked out.’ I learned more about it and was able to tell that she was drunk. She’s a mean drunk.

She’ll start arguments, ridicule you over things that don’t make sense, call you names, and will even hit/shove you and she’ll deny it all in the end, wake up the next day and not remember it. She drinks before and after she goes to work, she tries to look like she doesn’t drink or smoke, but she’s not fooling anyone. She lost her sense of smell and taste from smoking.

During my childhood, I lived with my grandmother and by the time I was 12, my grandma told my mom she had to get out by the end of the month, but leave me behind–which was what I wanted. My grandma died not too long after she said that, so I was stuck with her regardless. So by 13-15, I had to live with her alone and she became more violent and drank constantly still. She hides boxes of wine under her bed, stashes beer cans, and keeps the taps like its a bottle cap collection. I moved out and went to live with my dad at 15 strictly because of her alcoholism, and (I’m 17 now)–whenever I come over to visit for the weekend, she still gets drunk.

She’ll refill her glass every time it gets low on wine or beer, making it look like she’s only had the one the entire time. She tries to hide it, but she doesn’t have a problem nor does she care to fix her habits. I’m really sorry that I made the detail a little too long or that it’s a ‘life story’ I don’t mean it to be–but I don’t know how to condense how bad it is.

We’ve tried everything. Councilling, Therapy, Psychiatrist, even a priest or two. She doesn’t listen to them, and she doesn’t listen to me. She doesn’t say she’s sorry, and no matter how obvious I make her drinking an issue, she thinks its me who has the problem. At the rate she drinks.. It affects her greatly. She’s no longer as smart as she used to be, her hair is thinning and falling out, and her teeth are rotting. She used to be gorgeous, lovely smile, black raven hair, with a natural gray streak(birthmark). She’s only 44! She’ll probably die at 50, I don’t know what to do.. any word of advice would really help.

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