My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 4 years when he got drunk and cheated on me with his best female friend twice. He broke down and apologized but our relationship was never the same after that. I got depressed to the extent my parents made me take antidepressants and manhandled me also suggesting I should go to rehab. I was very depressed at the time because I didn’t eat or sleep. All I did was cry and stare blankly in space.
However, when I was treated this way by my family I realized no one is going to help me through it. I have to gather myself together and not be weak and fall prey to anyone. I made myself better, threw away the antidepressants and underwent a personality change-I stopped caring about anything and anybody at all except myself.
It was all working out for me. My boyfriend was still with me because I thought I had forgiven him. Yet, he dated his female friend, the same one he slept with. He didn’t sleep with her after those two times though. All they did was hang out together. The only reason all of this happened first of all is because I live in another state and he lives in another. It takes a lot of effort to travel to meet. All he wanted was someone to hang out with all the time.
So I grew really close to a guy friend of mine who was also in another state. I had helped him get over his break up a year ago. He really liked me and expressed his adoration vaguely. But as soon as things started to look better he grew afraid of the future and pulled away. He started fighting with me and demeaning me calling me a prostitute just so I would push him away before he did. I understood why he was doing it but I tried to make it work. One day he just blocked and deleted all contact from me and I haven’t heard from him again.
Meanwhile, this other guy from college, he befriended me and I tried to push him away from the start. I told him each and everything I had to go through with my boyfriend and my male friend. I told this new friend of mine to stay away for his own good but he said all he wanted to do was help me. I had grown pretty bitter by this time because I hated my life. Yet he helped me through it all. He listened without complaining and did the sweetest things possible like if I said I wanted to walk he would just get up and be ready to walk with me in the park without even me asking him.
He has a girlfriend and they have been dating for more than three years. I had already met with her and I admired them both as a couple. I didn’t know when he started having feelings for me. On Easter I went to meet him because he called me and said he was really down. By this time I was really fond of him and I wanted to help him out for all he had done for me. Well, not only did he feel better seeing me he also said he wanted to kiss me real bad. I didn’t lead him on because we both knew it was wrong. He had a girlfriend who’d never cheated on him and I was still with my boyfriend who, no matter how much he hurt me, was still my boyfriend.
Anyhow, I didn’t let him kiss me but when I was leaving I gave a goodbye hug and he slowly pulled back and eventually did kiss me. When I came home and talked to him he said it was the greatest kiss he had ever had and he asked me to promise him I’d kiss him again.
But the next day he felt bad because he was hiding it from his gf so I told him we won’t do anything. Yet again when we were alone he kissed me again and surprisingly I didn’t feel bad about it. He praised me a lot. And one thing led to another we used to kiss and tickle and just enjoy it all. It happened over a course of two weeks until his gf found out and then he was shattered. He had cheated on her twice before and he had broken down and confessed and begged her to take him back.
But this time it was different because it was with me, one of his closest female friends and he hid it from her and according to her, was sorry that she found out. She confronted me face to face and told me he had feelings for me and that how could I do something like this to her knowing how it feels to be cheated on.
Now, he has stopped talking to me. My boyfriend terms me a whore because he has double standards. I lost the closest person on Earth to me but I pray for him to be happy everyday. We had some great times together and he was the only one who got me in so many ways I never even knew about myself.
I feel guilty and heart broken but only because I led him on to something that shouldn’t have happened.
I just want opinions on what happened. How do I make myself feel better? Is my bf right about me?

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