Do you think I “owe” my wife another chance?

March 14, 2010 admin 20 comments

Here’s the story. I went with my wife’s wishes every step of the way, even though I never got back what I put in. My younger son is handicapped, my older one (18) recently diagnosed with frontal lobe epilepsy. The kids need both of us for now, and i am willing to physically and financially care for them both, but here is where it needs to end…
My wife, eight years ago, having lost a bunch of weight, had an affair behind my back, got hooked on cocaine, had several other drug/alcohol related sexual liaisons with men over the next two years, finally contracting an STD that forced her to tell me her secrets. Alcoholism/drug addiction/mental illness for eight years…hospitalizations like crazy…. last time she went back on the booze in spite of all I was doing for her, I told her that was it, that our marriage, in terms of love, was over. Now she has quit the alcohol 40 days, doing very well, and expects love again. Oh, and she has no desire for sex? A big NO, right?

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Written by pussycat about 2 years ago.

You don’t ‘owe’ anybody anything in life. They earn it.
Written by Carlito about 2 years ago.

I dont know why your even asking this. She completely betrayed you (in many ways)and her kids (while she drank and used drugs). You need to dump her and get custody of your youngest because there is no guarantee she wont go back to drugging and drinking.
Written by dragonfire about 2 years ago.

divorce her
she has had her chances
there is no need to give her any more
the only case will be how much you be paying out for alimony and support IF she gets custody
if that’s the case get a good attorney
and fight for your rights
Written by wizjp about 2 years ago.

I’d not get emotionally attached that’s for sure
Written by frawlicious about 2 years ago.

It’s not what I think, it’s what you think. If you are willing to give ehr another chance go ahead.
Written by shine_radiantstar about 2 years ago.

Sounds like karma, rather than genuine love. Only you and God know what you “owe” your wife, but if you’re ready to leave, you know where the door is..
Written by LilSunbeam about 2 years ago.

Wow! Your a good man…and that’s alot if I am saying it.
Written by Joe Below about 2 years ago.

Hell no! You will regret it if you do. She sounds like a drug adict whore.
Written by jahvar's mama about 2 years ago.

I WOULD TAKE YOU KIDS AND LEAVE
Written by tcc_00676 about 2 years ago.

std run far from her
Written by jeselynn_81 about 2 years ago.

for your mental health get out.. if you can afford.. care for you children and being she is a hazard to your children she needs to go.. visits are fine.. but monitored.

she doesnt deserve your love or anyother sense of a relationship
Written by hopeee~ about 2 years ago.

only if you still love her. anyways, you don’t “owe” anything to anyone. love is not about sex. it’s about doing something extraordinary and not expecting anything back..except the rewarding feeling you get after doing something good for the person you love. if you still have feelings for her, go for it! if not…you do what you think is best for your kids… :D
Written by rose59 about 2 years ago.

hi i know what u r going tru u r one tough man.its really nice of u to still support her financially and emotionally.i think it is very important that the children get the love of both parents .and i think in one way they can sense whats going on.it will be a character building for them i think u giving ur wife another chance is giving hope to ur children who need a lot of love and attention i hope ur wife understands that.i think u should also encourage her to go spiritual .get closer to god.please do get sexually active with her.ii think what ever u do will be a big gift for ur children.but they do not deserve to see the wrong side of life thats giving them a wrong impression.at the end of the day since u r looking after the them do whats best for them.
Written by ♥samanthasmom♥ about 2 years ago.

I hope you don’t listen to what some senseless people say.First of all..Congratulations because you have been through a lot and you still put your children in your priority list.I would say that if you still love her to talk to your children about giving her an ultimatum.If she wants you guys back she has to get in rehab and that would be her last chance,if kids agree.Probably you are mature enough to deal with all the health problems that your children were going through with and she wasn’t and in her need to escape from reality she erratically ended up drinking,doing drugs and unprotected sex.If she hasn’t been a good mother and you don’t love her anymore and if your kids feel the same way then prepare them psychologically for a divorce and start again with your kids.

Good Luck!
Written by Sunflower about 2 years ago.

It’s hard to say whether you should give her a second chance. Alot of that will depend on her ability to recover from her addictions. She obviously needs to focus on her recovery right now. Even thought I’m sure it is difficult for you to love and trust your wife, don’t completely abandon her. That could seriously hinder her recovery and the possibility for her to be an active mom in your children’s lives again. Only after she shows you that she can remain clean can you think about repairing your relationship if that is what you choose to do.

I think your children should be your main focus at this time. They need to have a stable parent in their life and you are that parent right now. Let your wife know that you are supportive of her recovery, but also that your kids, who have health issues of their own, have to be your main focus right now. Hopefully, in time you can find a way to reconcile your differences and be able to get along for your kid’s sake whether it is as a married couple or as separate individuals sharing parenting duties.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decisions you make.
Written by You can do it!! about 2 years ago.

If it is possible beings the kids have medical issues, could you two just live together? Not as husband and wife, but as friends? This might be a little weird if you each find someone else, but if and when that time comes, then you can deal with that. Its great that she has quit drinking and such, but you don’t know for sure if she will go back to it, or the drugs for that matter.
If anything, staying married for the kids, and being unhappy, will just make matters worse.
Hope all works out for you! Good luck!
Written by Nicole P about 2 years ago.

I would tell her to get lost… I understand that you are both going through a rough time, but you were responsible and mature about the situation. She on the other had was not at all. She has been taking advantage of you and your kind heart. I would end it.
Written by SABRINA-RENA about 2 years ago.

NO!!!!! She’s telling you in every way that she is not ready for what you have to deal with but she’s ready for love,bull!&** I belive that she rather do her own thing and visit the children on her own time.Don’t let me forget she wants her cake and eat to. Where is the love for the children.Whats 40days clean.PLEASE!!!!! AND No SEX, who want it anyway I’ll be scared. You can love your children and do what’s best for them.You gave to much already. I’ll say….I deserve so much more and so do my children. They are sick…. My God!! No Backese. Move on and in a year you’ll see if she mean well or is a game.To use you again some women don’t know what they have until it’s gone. It’s some one out there to love you and your children like you suppose to don’t give in and get hurt again.You seem like a real caring guy.
Written by LEANNA V about 2 years ago.

i think you’ve already done enough for her, if she wants to keep her life that way well just leave her and you take care of your kids, you seem like a very responsable parent and you don’t need her anyways, soon she will realize the harm she is doing. Trust me someone who has been in alcohol and drugs don’t rehabilitate that easily only if they are willing to do it, but if they are not then they need time to go real low and realize that it’s time for a change. Instead of wasting your time with her try to start dating again i understand your kids are first but you have to worry about yourself too, if you are happy then your kids will be happy too…

good luck!
Written by joyhamil44 about 2 years ago.

40 days into recovery is a drop in the bucket. Time will tell if she even makes it to 3 months. She has a lot more time to show her change.

Is she on medications to help with the alcohol/drug withdrawal? It maybe killing her libido.

I hope that she is getting some intensive counseling, and that both of you are getting help.

Your kids need healthy parents. It sounds like you are the main caregiver anyway. If you wife cannot move forward to be a reliable parent, then you might have to move forward without her.

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